Monday, 20 October 2008

Update - Ebay Addictions, Sickness and Personal Pressure!

I have an addiction to ebay. All I have been able to do lately is sit in bed with the laptop and think about Christmas. So naturaIlly, I've been doing a spot of bidding. It all seems to be innocent enough - a gift here and there, some materials for card making, bits and bobs for decorating - until all the spending spun out of control and Ross approached me with the question: "Do you know how much you're spending on ebay?" I couldn't give an answer, I guessed not too much because everything I bought seemed so cheap in comparison to store prices. When I logged in and looked at the stats, just the last month alone my expenditure was over £130. Shocking! Thankfully I am married to the most patient and understanding man in the world and Ross just found it amusing. Still, I am having to hang up my ebay apron for a while and work on this awful addiction of mine. "My name is Laura and my last bid was 3 days ago..."

Ross and I found out that we're expecting about 2 months ago now, it's been impossible for me to keep it a secret from anyone all this time and hence everyone knows. I was okay with it until I received email after email from women telling me that I am foolish for saying anything so soon and that I should expect to miscarry! The amount of people telling me such hideous things is shocking and I've had to resort to removing my facebook account. Ross and I are going for our first scan very soon and I'm praying earnestly that everything will be alright - I must confess my jealousy at those women who have multipal scans before their 12 weeks. Sometimes I just wish I had a window in my tummy so I could see baby and check on him every now and then.

This week I can sense when baby is bouncing around, I generally feel a light popping feeling in my abdomen and I feel the urge to be sick. Baby and I have enjoyed plenty of bed rest and listening to the Tabernacle Choir singing Consider the Lillies. I've done a lot of crying over the past two months and never felt such terrible lonliness in all my life. But I'm stronger now and I am fighting to feel well again. Ross has been a great beacon of strength to me, he will lay by my side all day and all night just stroking my hair or wiping my tears. I feel immensly blessed to have Ross and that he holds the Priesthood and can give me blessings. This pregnancy has been so hard so far. Now that I am not being as sick, I've been pushing myself to do more, the other day, I managed to clean the bathrooms, sort out the bedding, hoover the landing and by the end I was doubled over with weakness and gasping for breath. It is so incredibly frustrating that I couldn't do anymore and my mind just discarded the jobs I completed already. I took out my frustrations on Ross and sobbed and sobbed (silly hormones) Ross knew straight away what the problem was, got me into bed and told me that I'm putting too much pressure on myself. He's very clever, I didn't even know what was wrong, at the time I didn't even know why I was crying, I just felt so poorly and I was sick of it!

Now I feel - weird. Just weird. Still tired beyond belief, still suffering from the frequent headaches, still got tummy pains, still got heart burn, still feeling my stomach churning - but it's worse because now I'm not being sick - so there's no relief from it at all at the moment! Yet by some miracle I am eating again. I had a chip butty last night whilst watching Antiques Roadshow, the trick for me is that I have to be distracted and I have to have Ross eating the same thing.

- Ugh, what were the odds that I would be sick after saying that I'm not being sick anymore??? I'm NOT speaking too soon every again! -

lol actually you know what, I feel tonnes better now. Anyways, where was I? Ah yes, food. Well I'll end that subject now, feeling a tad delicate.

I have big plans for the future. I guess when you go through a time where you can't even get out of bed, you think about all the things you'd do if you were well right? Well, I plan to make cards for christmas, put together a creative gift for everyone at christmas, I want a sewing machine to get me started on teaching myself how to sew. I have a tonne of meal ideas that I want to try out AND a massive Christmas Party to plan for. Estimated guest count will be 14 people. I also plan to go out to the Harvester and have a nice fat Rocky Horror! Mmmm!!

So here's to the future and hoping that my days of sickness are coming to a close....

Laura and Baby - 11 weeks 4 days.