Never Again...

Everytime I lift my head I feel the room spinning, I'm stupidly weak my body is shaking and I keep getting hot flushes...

Why?

All I ate today was lots and lots of chocolate.

Again, why?

Because I was up all night with Ryan and was so exhausted today I didn't feel well enough to make any food...

Now I'm going to bed and promising myself that I'm never going to be so stupid again....!!!

The Wonderful-ness of what is going on inside my head!

Ahhh holiday to "New York" was wonderful. We laughed, we cried, we got hyper, we feasted on American food....we shopped, - I dropped - we relaxed in the sand....there were crickets and fireflies, toads and a groundhog....and there was jumping and screaming and children giddy on Oreo's....there was sleeping and waking at all hours in the making, and hot days with rainy days....the best flipping holiday!

I'm too jetlagged to record everything. But thankfully I shall always remember - and indeed treasure - the memories I have of visiting with Gemma, Nathan, Evan and Ashlyn!

I miss them! The first couple of days have felt so quiet and sad! I feel like I've lost 2 of my children! I had become so accustomed to Evan and Ashlyn running around the house with Ryan. It made me realise how much I love having the home filled with children. Oh how much joy they bring into the world! I can not wait to welcome sea-monkey into our family! I love to hear the floor boards creaking with little (and loud) footsteps, the squealing and babbling and even the bashing of bottles against the cot bars in the morning and the little dinosaur shrieks at all unearthly hours!

I love being a mum! I am overwhelmed by how much I love it. Call me crazy but I enjoy the diversity of the job - the responsibility involved and that feeling that you are doing something important. Yet it's so understated and like being an undercover agent. (I can wait for my reward in Heaven) Yes there's days when it can feel laborious, repetitive and crushingly difficult to keep going - especially when you need to take a sick day but can't! But mostly, it is just wonderful.

I love my family so much! To think I am a mere 21 year old who has married her best- most - favourite man in the world, with a gorgeous little boy and another on the way! I love my house - although it's not practical to clean- I love my bed, I have the BEST friends in the world! (Tracey and Nathan, Alyssa and Ethan came over yesterday with muffins and clothes for Ryan welcoming us home and seeing how we are!!) The ward is wonderful, the Gospel completes my joy in this life.

What more could I ask for?

I am filled with so much joy and gratitude to my Heavenly Father for the blessings - and trials - in my life. They have all brought me to this moment and for that I am so thankful.

I feel overwhelmed! I feel like I'm living in some surreal dream - my head is all cloudy and I'm up at odd hours of the day. Monkey kept me awake until 2am again last night (he watched Monster's Inc) so I'm yawning every 2 minutes and my eyes keep running. I'll go back to bed soon, but I just wanted to write my thoughts down as they are positive ones! We don't always write down our positive thoughts - they often fly by without much consideration until we are hit with a negative one that we pay attention to and exaggerate til we are depressed...

So! On with the positivity!! On with having another baby! On with preparing for Christmas! On with this life!

It is a world of opportunity we live in. I feel motivated and ready to take the bull with both horns - so as to speak - and reach out for everything!!

(and on that note, I'm going back to bed LOL)

New York, New York !

Well tomorrow we fly to Newark airport (yay!) but my, my how things are more stressful when you're a parent!! Usually I would be bouncing up and down and already packed with the house gleaming and all ready to go!!

Now there are clean folded clothes in every room of the house! Suitcases are out but half empty, hallway is full of "stuff" that needs to be packed, kitchen is messy, carpets need hoovering, gardens are tatty, Ryan's toys are all over the place....got one passport in the bedroom, one is in the lounge and the other is in the photocopier. lol. Still haven't printed off travel docs and I need to have a shower, wash my hair, go shopping for last minute bits and bobs, pick up drs note, drop of lizards in Gloucester - all the while sorting Ryan with food, nappies, clean clothes, keeping him alive etc etc....

Yikes!! lol.

So..what am I doing on the laptop in bed? Well it's not quite 9am for one thing and Ryan is still in bed. I'm seriously lacking in motivation but nothing a quick shower wont fix. :)

*sigh* Guess I better go. I buying the world's biggest chocolate bar while I'm out (need something to keep me going! lol)

Not long now!!!

Ps, 90 Days to Go!!! Ahhhhhh!!! Hello 3rd Trimester!