Wednesday, 24 March 2010

What a 2 and an 8!!

Gotta make this quick coz I'm really not well and need to go back to bed. But here's the update:

Saw midwife, she wrote in my notes "Laura is suffering from Hyperehimitus" and said she didn't know what medicine Avomine was, let alone Ondansetron so she told me to see the doctor.

Had telephone convo with doctor who did know what Hyperemesis is and said "All hyperemesis women are very individual when it comes to medication, so whatever worked for you last time will work for you again" so she's got me on Avomine again. When I mentioned Ondansetron she went absolutely mental at me claiming it to be very powerful and absolutely insane to give it to Pregnant women as the long term effects and risks are unknown. When I argued that the docs in America said it was no harm to the baby at all - well she actually scoffed and said Americans knew nothing......pppft.

I'm actually okay with Avomine and I didn't really want Ondansetron anyway because it IS a strong drug and if I can live without it, I will! That's not to say anyone who takes it are awful or made any risks. Gemma, my sister had horrendous sickness and was in hospital - I think for her there was no other option and it is because of Ondansetron that both mother and baby survived!!!

But one mans meat is another mans poison. I'm rubbish when it comes to tablets, my body just goes all crazy, so it's a blessing in disguise.

OOOh more good news though - my due date is actually 29th October which puts me at 9 weeks on Friday! That moves the 12 week scan forward by 3 days and because I didn't have a proper cycle before I fell pregnant who knows how far I really am.

I'm still being sooooo sick though and feel like I want to die - I really wish someone would just take Ryan away. He's having night terrors and I know it's because he's upset that Mummy's so poorly.

Anyway I'm waiting for the one thing I'm craving - Chicken Salad Sandwich - and hopefully I'll feel better after that. Just like last time, I'm able to eat a small meal in the evenings. Last night it was steak and mashed potato with sweetcorn and I ate almost the WHOLE meal!!

Oh and no hospital for me, apparently I am ketone free and as I was overweight before, no one bats an eyelid that I lost so much weight because, well to be honest, it needed to be lost. Gosh I hate being fat. Think this sickness is a blessing in disguise. I'm back into my lovely size 12 jeans and making it to week 9 and got no tummy! Haha. Shame everyone knows. No need to hide it now.

Anyway blabbing over. I'm off to bed. xxx

Tuesday, 23 March 2010

Pre-Doctor's Appointment Jitters

My doctor's appointment is at 5:30pm today which is about 6hrs away now - It's going to be a looong day. It doesn't help that I had a nightmare last night which consisted of a doctor's appointment that resulted in me being sent to hospital for ketosis and malnutrition and then dieing because the hospital staff got the IVs wrong and overdosed me with something which had me die and I'm wondering around in the spirit world with my "daughter" and we're unsure about what to do, so we go to visit mum who is laying in bed with so much pain and an escort is with me and I turn to him and beg him to fix her and by a miracle mum feels no more pain and is healed...then she tells me to go back to my body - I said I wanted to stay because I didn't want the pain and sickness anymore, but mum told me to think about Ross and Ryan so I decided to go back but only if I didn't miscarry and could carry the baby full-term, my escort agreed so I went back to my body and then left hospital. Then I took Ryan and got on a plane to America to be with Gemma and she was upset because their house had "parasites" which looked like Armadillos and Nathan needed to go to work which was in Space and then Ryan rolled onto a baby and I freaked out and then called Ross who wanted a divorce because I went to America without telling him and then I woke up!

SO, as you can imagine, I am now REALLY nervous about the appointment. Not that I think my dream will happen - I actually know why a lot of the stuff happened in my dream. A few months ago I read THIS artical about SWINDON hospital!: and mum has leant me a few books about near death experiences and told me about an experience where a husband dies and sees his wife who is in bed really sick with hyperemesis and he asks his escort "does she have to have this?" and the sickness went away....Ross and I have been trying to find cheap flights to the states to no avail....the rest was random.

Anyway I'm sure it'll be fine but a part of me wants to go to hospital because I have resorted to crawling everywhere now and I really can't eat. I just want this to end now. I'm done. :(

Will update when I get back. xxx

Thursday, 18 March 2010

Week 8

Spoke too soon - rushes out to be sick - spoke too soon! - fighting the urge to be sick again - SPOKE TOO SOON! - Cries.

The last 2 days have been the most awful, dreadful, horrific, horrendous, unbearable, sick-making, sick-being, nauseating, stomach clenching, shudderingly - terrible days EVER to be known to mankind.

Gotta give me brownie points for being able to stay creative eh?

Yesterday I felt like a miserable loser. I failed the "strong mummy" test. When it came to the afternoon I was in bed, passed out (not really, just Reeeaaaally asleep) and unable to get up when a little sad 10 month old was crying out for "mama" for age. Then Ross got home for his lunch, assessed the situation, fed Ryan, gave him juice and settled him down in his travel cot in front of the Telly watching children's shows. Then he left something for me to eat next to my bed and a bottle of water. The smell of shortbread was whafting over to me and was so offensive to my nose that I had to stuff them into the bed side table drawer.

I just cried and cried and cried.....ran a bath which turned out to be cold and lay in there crying and crying until no more tears would come.

So panic stations. The hyperemesis has hit and HARD. Ross got a brother to come over and they both gave me a blessing. Then I got bombarded with calls from sisters today. Cathy is coming over in the next half hour to give me a hug and help me today - she's gonna get some sort of routine going of sisters coming round to help with Ryan and help me get through it. I can't really believe it. Everyone here is just so loving and actually want to help me. I could cry - but unfortunately I did enough of that yesterday.

So Swindon ward is the biggest blessing in my life. Ross and I prayed ferverently that the sickness would go away so I could get through this but instead, Heavenly Father blessed me with a lot of help to get through. I'm seeing my doctor on Tuesday too and I'm going to find out what they can do for me. The biggest problem at the moment is I CAN-NOT-EAT. I'm like some crazy annorexic/bullemic (sp?) drinking isn't a problem, I can manage that. And I'm not actually being physically sick *too* much. But the unrelenting's debilitating and it's worse on an empty tummy...but I can't eat!! See the cycle?

Here's to 8 more weeks of hell. At least I've got angels to help get me through. :)

Monday, 15 March 2010

Week 7

Clementines are now my favourite type of food...and kiwi fruit and grapes and strawberries....mmmmm! INFACT if I SMELL clementines the nausea is gone! Completely gone!! I'm even enjoying the smell of lemon and lime!! This new baby is making me enjoy food that I wouldn't ordinarily touch with a barge pole!! I'm loving all things fruitalicious!!

Foods I do NOT enjoy anymore:

MEAT - ugh
ANYTHING with grease!!

Foods I can't get enough of:

Fish cakes
Fish Fingers
Corn on the Cob
Exotic Fruit Juice

Yum yum yummy yum yum!!!!!

So, I'm feeling yucky, pukey and horribly heavey in the morning. For about a couple of hours I'm being sick, gagging, dry heaving...all that wonderful jazz. BUT. Come 11:30ish I am *touch wood* feeling pretty good. I have to fight that horrible sicky, heavy, gaggy feeling as I eat something and about 10 minutes after eating the nausea is gone.

This is what I'm talking about! It's rotten, but doable. I'm able to play with Ryan, change Ryan, look after Ryan. I think these Avomine tablets are really doing something and I'm only on one a day!! So this is what it's like to have "normal" morning sickness!!

There is hope for me yet!! I have started week 8 and hoping that I can continue with this! This pregnancy is far more different from the last!! I'm pretty sure it's because of several different factors:

1. Ross is home with me a lot more
2. Ryan - motivation to get out of bed
3. Forcing myself to eat, even if it's awfully horrible
4. Not being afraid of being sick
5. Keeping positive
6. Lots of prayer!
7. The tablets!

Today I actually feel human! I could cry!! :) I know that I didn't help myself last time, I got into such an awful, anxious cycle. The routine would go: Be sick - Cry - be sick - lay in bed all day/night refusing to eat or drink for fear of being sick - cry - be more sick - become dehydrated - sip little drinks - be sick.....when the sickness started to die down....I was making myself be sick in the mornings because I thought I would be sick and wanted to get it over with!! This was because I was all alone for 13 hours every day. I'm much stronger this time and much more mature about the situation. And so far, it's been going well! It could have gone just the same as last time, because I AM being sick in the morning - just like last time! BUT I'm not afraid to eat, and I've even found foods I'm enjoying!! So I'm very pleased.

Can't wait to stop using the tablets too because I have horrible side effects from them - lethargy, nightmares, hallucinations....etc so I've already cut the doseage in half and I'm feeling better than when I was on them! Typical!

Well, i've just got to figure out Primary, because I'm worst in the morning and actually being sick, so the lesson is out the window, but maybe I can keep going to sacrament meetings. :)

Well that's all my thoughts for now - oh dear, Ryan just whacked his head on the radiator. gotta dash!

Laura xxx

Friday, 5 March 2010

Hello Figure....Good Bye again....

So....since this blog is only viewable to 2 people - and both are family...I feel able to share my unexpected, totally scarey, mind-boggling news! I'm pregnant again!!

JUST as I was beginning to hold back a shudder as I look in the mirror these days and no longer burst into tears when I see a photo of myself....I'm going to lose all that hard pound-shifting work and get EVEN bigger than I was before. Selfishly, I feel really sad. It doesn't help when my visiting teacher (2 YSA girls) said "Well, I love being single, the way I look at it, is all those girls who marry young, end up fat with loads of kids!" the memory of this does bring tears to my eyes! But maybe that is just the hormones!!

Well....18 months between baby no.1 and baby I crazy? Probably. It'll be great in the long-term I'm sure, but I'm thinking I'll be saying good bye to my figure AND my sleep for a while....

Here's to the highs and lows of a pregnancy, ANOTHER birth and a Christmas with 2 Babies!!! AhhhhH!

I'm 6 weeks on Sunday and every time I cough I'm almost being sick. Come nightime I am a queezy, wheezy, lemon-squeezy wreck!!

*sigh* Pray for me. Please. xxxxx