Wednesday, 17 February 2010

Life - The Whole Kit and Kaboodle!

*sigh* I'm sat typing this with one eye clamped shut and coughing away like a smoker. My nose is sniffly, my neck is sore, my legs are wet from Ryan splashing me in the bath and I have wolverine-esq scratches on my collar bone thanks to Ryan's claws.

The lounge was tidy and clean - 10 mins of Ryan's awake time and there are wipes strewn all over the floor, crisps mashed in the carpet, a load of toys spilling out of the toy box, wires have been tugged out of place and half-chewed nappies are in a pile next to the sofa.

And don't get me started on the kitchen!!!!!

I blitzed the house a couple of days ago and got really on top of the washing bin! Now everything is dirty, out of place and chewed!!

*sigh* So this is motherhood.

When I DO have a spare moment or two - you know those precious "nap time" hours when you can have some alone time....I am either cleaning, washing, ironing or....wait for it.....blogging!

I want to do my hair, I want to wear make up and I want to look glamorous. I'm 21 years old and I look like a train wreck! My left contact lens is the wrong prescription (AGAIN! Asda you are rubbish!)

I'm a whole stone heavier than I should be and I'm not getting slimmer, I'm just getting bigger!!

I'm having a "I feel sorry for myself" day today. I do love Ryan - I really do! He's a great joy and such a great friend! But I'm tired, I'm poor and wish I could go out and get some clothes/makeup/hair accessories- ANYTHING for myself. I've been ill for the past 2 months and Ryan has been ill too. And when I DO get two hours of time without having Ryan - I AM TEACHING OTHER PEOPLE'S KIDS!!!

You know, I imagined doing something great. Like going to University and becoming a lecturer or a well-known author who goes around the country doing book signings and giving seminars on my books. Or a self-motivation coach.....and here I am, sat in my house day after day, doing the same menial chores, speaking in baby language and wiping endless snot and poo....and sometimes I just sit in the chaos and for a moment I look up at the heavens with a tear in my eye and I think "Lord, is this really what I was born to do?".....

.....and then I feel two little hands on my lap and look down into the most gorgeous big blue eyes and I think, "Okay, so it's not so bad."