It's A BOY!!!

Well in just 22 hours, Ross and I will *hopefully* know what sex this baby is... Yep kids, it's the 20 WEEK SCAN!!

It's incredible to know that we are now half way through this pregnancy. At times it feels like its been a long time coming, other times it feels like we're going full speed ahead with no brakes and the end of the road is in sight and I'm panicking!!

I'm learning self hypnosis to use during the labour - it's a difficult skill to have, but if mastered, I will be able to stay calm and in control (and in theory, not feel the pain) I'm a big believer in "mind over matter" and whilst I never considered myself being the tree hugging naturist type, I really love this idea of having a hypnobirth!

Baby has been moving around an awful lot recently, in fact I've been seeing baby prodding and it's amazing. Ross warned me to never watch the film "Aliens" because he said I'll feel the baby kick in the night and have nightmares...not sure what he's on about but I never intended or indeed desired to watch a sci fi thriller movie so I think we're good. I know my dad has seen it and he thought it was pretty scary - and anything too scary for him would definitely be too scary for me!!

Yesterday I worked on getting our 2nd bedroom (which we have been habitly calling "Back Room") sorted and ready for my brother and his family to stay with us over Christmas. Baby's room is all set up with the LoveSac in the corner and a double air bed (borrowed from Gemma and Nathan - thank you!!) I lifted some super heavy boxes and managed to put my back out - but that didn't stop me from beautifying my bookcase and sorting through the thousands of clothes - I was really doing well until a MASSIVE spider crawled out from between the clothes that were piled on the floor!! Thankfully, Harry Potter was there to save me!

Hello Baby....

Well it's taken 19 weeks but I have finally got the making of a bump...

I feel my baby kicking almost constantly during the day - until about 2ish when baby naps and baby goes to sleep fairly early at a respectable 9pm (unless of course, Ross and I try to watch an Action movie, the sub woofer seems to enhance the sounds and baby jumps at any loud noises) Then of course, i am kicked awake early in the morning !! I can not believe two night owls could breed an early bird! But I guess that's something I'm going to have to deal with!

Below are some pictures of baby at the 14 week scan, we were really lucky to have 3 different photos and it was wonderful to be able to see that baby clearly has his/her daddy's nose!!

Pat A Cake, Pat A Cake....

Whilst lying in the sofa watching TV, I patted my thighs with bordem and when I stopped, I felt a distinct "rap tap tap tap" in my uterus. My heart stopped with excitement. I waited a couple of seconds, then rapped against my thighs again and waited - sure enough, baby hit back.

Later that night, when Ross was sat on the sofa next to me, I started to feel the baby kicking again, excited, I grabbed Ross' hand and pressed it hard on the area I felt the kicking. After a few minutes two light "tap taps" made Ross' face light up and we were overjoyed at the confirmation that yes, there is a baby in there.

Wonderful!!

Just an update, had the scan two and half weeks ago. Saw baby, cute nose, cute legs and more importantly all is well and baby is very healthy. Ross and I are incredibly excited to find out the sex next month.

Sickness is still very present, I'm not so bad when I'm taking the tablets but I'm still feeling pretty rubbish. The appetite is back though - with a vengance! - I'm loving all things foodalicious! Particular favourites are:

Terry's Chocolate Orange
Ben N Jerry's Fish food - naughty, but I don't care
Mashed Potato
Cauliflower Cheese

Yummmm

We're excited about ThanksGiving dinner tomorrow night. All the family are gathering at Mum and Dad's and there will be mashed potato, stuffing, yams...... I'm totally salivating now...!

Anyways, must go. Until next post!....Laters.

Laura

16 Weeks 4 days

Oh My Precious One! Can You Hear Me Praying For You?

13 weeks and 2 days along now and I still haven't seen my baby. There was a trial in getting an ultrasound appointment at the hospital because my midwife forgot to book me in with them and give them paperwork, so when I called up to arrange an ultrasound, they had no records of my pregnancy at all. A bit of a disappointing shock really because had I needed to go into hospital for any reason, they wouldn't have even known about me being pregnant.

Still that's all sorted now, Ross and I are going to meet our little one next wednesday at 2:30pm and we can hardly wait. We've known about this pregnancy for 2 months and 2 weeks and it's been a real trial of faith to go on believing everything is fine and baby is alive and well. I'm so exicted to see if my baby has fingers and toes, to see his little arms and legs, a beating heart...I know I'll cry. I feel all I've done is pray for this little trooper.

My Precious baby, I feel you inside me, growing and moving, I promise to protect you and love you with all my heart. Daddy sends you kisses every night and calms you down at night. We think you are a boy and we both can not wait to meet you. Until then, my little one, carry on, my darling, Carry on.

Update - Ebay Addictions, Sickness and Personal Pressure!

I have an addiction to ebay. All I have been able to do lately is sit in bed with the laptop and think about Christmas. So naturaIlly, I've been doing a spot of bidding. It all seems to be innocent enough - a gift here and there, some materials for card making, bits and bobs for decorating - until all the spending spun out of control and Ross approached me with the question: "Do you know how much you're spending on ebay?" I couldn't give an answer, I guessed not too much because everything I bought seemed so cheap in comparison to store prices. When I logged in and looked at the stats, just the last month alone my expenditure was over £130. Shocking! Thankfully I am married to the most patient and understanding man in the world and Ross just found it amusing. Still, I am having to hang up my ebay apron for a while and work on this awful addiction of mine. "My name is Laura and my last bid was 3 days ago..."





Ross and I found out that we're expecting about 2 months ago now, it's been impossible for me to keep it a secret from anyone all this time and hence everyone knows. I was okay with it until I received email after email from women telling me that I am foolish for saying anything so soon and that I should expect to miscarry! The amount of people telling me such hideous things is shocking and I've had to resort to removing my facebook account. Ross and I are going for our first scan very soon and I'm praying earnestly that everything will be alright - I must confess my jealousy at those women who have multipal scans before their 12 weeks. Sometimes I just wish I had a window in my tummy so I could see baby and check on him every now and then.





This week I can sense when baby is bouncing around, I generally feel a light popping feeling in my abdomen and I feel the urge to be sick. Baby and I have enjoyed plenty of bed rest and listening to the Tabernacle Choir singing Consider the Lillies. I've done a lot of crying over the past two months and never felt such terrible lonliness in all my life. But I'm stronger now and I am fighting to feel well again. Ross has been a great beacon of strength to me, he will lay by my side all day and all night just stroking my hair or wiping my tears. I feel immensly blessed to have Ross and that he holds the Priesthood and can give me blessings. This pregnancy has been so hard so far. Now that I am not being as sick, I've been pushing myself to do more, the other day, I managed to clean the bathrooms, sort out the bedding, hoover the landing and by the end I was doubled over with weakness and gasping for breath. It is so incredibly frustrating that I couldn't do anymore and my mind just discarded the jobs I completed already. I took out my frustrations on Ross and sobbed and sobbed (silly hormones) Ross knew straight away what the problem was, got me into bed and told me that I'm putting too much pressure on myself. He's very clever, I didn't even know what was wrong, at the time I didn't even know why I was crying, I just felt so poorly and I was sick of it!

Now I feel - weird. Just weird. Still tired beyond belief, still suffering from the frequent headaches, still got tummy pains, still got heart burn, still feeling my stomach churning - but it's worse because now I'm not being sick - so there's no relief from it at all at the moment! Yet by some miracle I am eating again. I had a chip butty last night whilst watching Antiques Roadshow, the trick for me is that I have to be distracted and I have to have Ross eating the same thing.

- Ugh, what were the odds that I would be sick after saying that I'm not being sick anymore??? I'm NOT speaking too soon every again! -

lol actually you know what, I feel tonnes better now. Anyways, where was I? Ah yes, food. Well I'll end that subject now, feeling a tad delicate.

I have big plans for the future. I guess when you go through a time where you can't even get out of bed, you think about all the things you'd do if you were well right? Well, I plan to make cards for christmas, put together a creative gift for everyone at christmas, I want a sewing machine to get me started on teaching myself how to sew. I have a tonne of meal ideas that I want to try out AND a massive Christmas Party to plan for. Estimated guest count will be 14 people. I also plan to go out to the Harvester and have a nice fat Rocky Horror! Mmmm!!

So here's to the future and hoping that my days of sickness are coming to a close....

Laura and Baby - 11 weeks 4 days.

A Beautiful Refuge

A place to dance, a place to sleep,
A place to laugh, a place to weep.

A house to make, a house to love,
A garden to go and look up at the skies above.

A home to care for, a home to respect,
A home to die for, a home to reflect.

In sacred walls, sweet blessed home,
In our refuge, we shall never be alone.

L.A.Burton

Limbo

After a string of tiredsome days and nights, I sit here in bed, laptop on hand and propped up with pillows unable to find a way to get myself into that semi -relaxed state which quickly turns itself into sleep. A dramatic contrast indeed, yet I can not help but feel prominantly confused.

I can't quite put a finger on the emotions I am feeling right now. Although, something Ross said to me today was quite close to the mark when he said "the house has lost its personality now everything is packed" as he said that I thought about the bare walls, empty wardrobes and dusty surfaces where wedding photos once proudly stood, Then, with tears in my eyes it hit me very hard that Ross and I were to leave our first marital home -the home with so many profound and character building moments, the place holding so many sacred and wonderful memories. Suddenly this sanctity, this refuge as such has been stripped bare and stands naked in the midst as if no one had ever lived there.

My mind casts me back to the day of our wedding. Ross and I hurried back to the coach house to pick up our clothes for the honeymoon and prepared to go to the temple. I remember feeling giddy and light - the floor laden with confetti (which we continued to find in various places until just recently) I remember going into the back room, in my poofy white wedding gown - Ross giving me a loving kiss and murming something about me being his wife, despite all that, I promptly ordered him out of the room while I got out of my dress and into some more sensible attire for the journey. My goodness, Ross was so happy that day. So was I.

So many happy memories. Play Grand Turismo on the PS2 after Ross got home from work. snuggling on the sofa and watching movies on the ridiculously large TV screen. Having dinner parties, family over for fun and games. Letting people stay over for a night. Unpacking the last box. Relishing the picture of Ross' shoes next to mine near the front door and knowing how wonderful that was to know you are never to be alone again.

Now our beautiful things are all packed up and nothing but bare furniture and cupboards are left to see. The house, it feels, has lost it's magical touch. It suddenly strikes me that I feel like I am living in an empty shell and subsequently feel like one too.

It might be hormones, it might be the stress of change, but I feel myself feeling an emotion I'm not too unfamiliar with. Like the Christmas' where you've finished eating and opening presents and you're sat up your room all alone and struck by the thought that at the end of the day, you are having to face change and the only person you can count on not losing is yourself.

which leads me to wonder, what would happen if one should lose oneself?

The terrible limbo stage between living in one place and living in another can result in sleepless nights, doubt, anxiety and confusion. Should I really move? Will we be as happy in this new house? Or is everything going to change?

Such fears and thoughts are currently plaguing my mind tonight. And whilst I know that by the time anyone reads these words or sees me again and asks me how I am, I know the answer will be a resounding "yes" because after all, it seems that first we go through tough moments alone and have to feel the pain and go through it before actually feeling that shoulder to cry on. Perhaps it is a test of our individual strength of character?

Perhaps I am having real pre-moving house jitters. Or maybe it's just hormones. Whatever it is, I hope I get my act together soon. I am beginning to feel reclusive.

*sigh* Good night I suppose.

Let me Sleep!

It might be the muggy weather, it might be that 12 hour road trip Ross and I had yesterday, it might be pure laziness or something else altogether - but I am one tired gal! Ross finally roused me from sleep at an obsene time in the morning and I was rather grumpy all day. I can not satisfy my neverending hunger either. Today I ate a snack bar, sandwhiches, pizza and chips, 4 chocolate cake pieces (they were diddy small) and vegetable rice....still the hunger goes on. I know, it's probably not healthy to eat so much in one day, but what can you do when you feel so incredibly weak and hungry?

Also having weird sensations as I lay in bed - like those dreams you have where you feel like you're falling. I'm sure some psychologist would anaylse my current situation and personality and think that I am feeling a little unstable and like the ground has been taken away from under my feet what with the move and all that.

There's cleaning to do, packing to be done, arrangements to sort out and all i want to do is curl up in bed with some biscuits and a bottle of water and listen to some relaxing music. I guess I still have a few months left to put it all down to being a teenager and getting away with it. haha.

Feeling pretty rough actually. Really rough. Definitely coming down with something because my throat is sore and I'm drinking like there's no tomorrow.

Thursday 28 August 2008

I'm feeling a bit coldy today. It could be my sinuses playing up - it could be a cold coming on or I might be allergic to the feather and down quilt that I'm currently sat under - because weirdly enough, when I leave the bedroom my sinuses clear up. Then again, the 14" desk fan on the drawers opposite the bed is constantly on day and night so this could be a reasonable factor to my stuffy nose as well. To be quite honest, I'd rather the fan were the problem as I am very fond of this duvet - it was a wedding gift from my parents and it is so comfy that Ross and I didn't change it - even for the swealtering nights in the unusually short summer we have had this year. Hence the fans power consistancy.

Ross and I are moving and It could not come at a better time. Oh, no don't you go getting the wrong idea now - nothing like that in the works, but this little 2 bed coach house has been getting me down for the longest time. I do not drive, I don't go out to work anymore - although for a short time I did experiment with temporary work and hated it - I am too far from my family to easily visit and so for days and days I stayed inside the house seeing no daylight or other human being until a very tired Ross came home each night. Four precious hours of social activity and it was already time for bed and then I was faced with another lonely day alone.

It wasn't so bad, I suppose. I had my household jobs to do - and I made friends with Bree, Kathryn, Gabrielle and all of the desperate housewives on TV. Then I switched over to listen to Jeremy Kyle as I went about doing the dishes. Then of course, I received my daily dose of Friends from 4pm onwards. These people were my only source to the outside world. Having no phone but my pink mobile which rarely had credit - you know how it is - I felt incredibly iscolated.

Perhaps that is why I had thrown myself into the idea of trying to conceive. I joined the forums, spoke to other women who had been trying for years, watching their youtube diaries, fantasising about the day when I would not be alone during the day but would have a beautiful child of my own to raise and nurture. Yet, the more I pondered the thought. The more I tried to imagine my life as a mother in this iscolated 2 bed house. I realised it would by no means be rosey.

I would then be stuck, completely inside the house. Firstly, there would be nowhere to keep the pram other than in the garage and someone please tell me how I would be expected to carry a newborn outside in my arms, while opening the dirty garage door and sorting out the pram for the baby to go in - or perhaps I would have to take a risk by leaving my baby inside while I go out and got the pram. Either way I find myself biting my lip and the logistics - then there's the getting onto the bus issue. What if the bus was full? Or I did indeed get onto the bus with my monstrous buggy and just so happened to sit next to an elderly person who was coughing and spluttering over my newborn! And suppose I did make it unscathed to the bus station, I would have to brave killer pigeons, interestingly scarey individuals who like to hang out there and other ill people. Then I would have to get onto another bus and finally get out at Kingsway. Amidst all that, there would probably be a dirty nappy to deal with a breastfeeding to figure out. I can see it now, I would stay inside the house day and night, alone. That situation is crying "post natal depression". I think I would probably become a introverted hermit who would grow to resent her life and purpose and wish to die.

SO, moving to Kingsway is the best thing that could happen right now. Not when I'm sick as a dog with morning sickness and can't face the cleaning or the packing/unpacking. Not when I'm greying and on life's edge with madness and a little baby. Now. When I am in the best condition I can be - when I am not at my limit, when I am simply at the point whereby I hatefully glare at the kitchen dishes and think to myself "if I have to wash that same glass up again today....."

So, we are moving from here:

To....... HERE! :D

It is almost laughable at the difference between these two properties and I know that to many people it is a rather luxiourious choice for a newlywed couple, but you've gotta' do what you gotta' do eh? Besides, this house has security for us to stay there for at least 5 years. Pending we are able to make an offer on it before our letting agreement runs out. Another thing to pray for I suppose.

So, whilst I should be packing right now. I am actually mentally preparing myself for a viewing that is taking place here at 1pm. The house is as clean as I can get it - without straining myself too much, so now I'm just sat here thinking about the prospect of some strangers coming in to critique my choice of furniture and cleaning capabilities. I am very house proud, so the mere thought of someone seeing my house as anything below "Perfectly Clean and Tidy" leaves me absolutely moritified.

Off to visit with my best friend and indeed sister, Gemma! (oh dear no, you didn't really think I would stay here while the viewing took place? My goodness I would never!)

Now I must get up and get dressed for the day.

Prologue: Some Background

Seeing as this blog is entitled "Ode to be a Housewife", I see it fit to describe the events that took place whereby I became a housewife.

As you can see in the picture to the right, Ross and I had a very mature relationship while we were dating. (in fact, whilst on the subject, I don't think much has changed)

We met at a dance in Reading in May '07. It was close to the end of the dance when this dashing young man caught my eye, and it only took a matter of a few smiles and he was at my side, taking me out of the loud dance hall to get to know each other.

All I had gathered during that night, was this man was called Ross, he was handsome, loved to wear blue (and subsequently wore the same colour as myself that day, making me feel like it was destiny! - not that I completely comprehend or believe in such a thing). Although I knew little about him, there was something very familar and - comfortable - about him. We were not shy or awkward - well perhaps Ross was a little. We just clicked. Ross asked me for my number and the rest is history.

Ross proposed on Friday 12 October '07 in the car outside the Birmingham dance and we went to Cheltenham and bought my ring the next day, Saturday 13 October '07. It was the most wonderful day of my life.

Then of course, came the wedding. The beautiful fairytale wedding that took place on Saturday 16 February '08. I distinctly remember waking up that day 10 minutes before my hair appointment and feeling extremely excited and nervous about getting my hair done. (Not even thinking about the fact that today, I am a bride). Being a woman who loves to be loved and enjoys attention and knowing full well that there are only two times in one's life where people say nice things about you, and they are your Wedding and your Funeral. So I soaked in every minute of that day and savoured the picture of me and my father walking down the aisle to my handsome prince standing at the front.

The day went by far too quickly and before we knew it, Ross and I were spending our very first day in our marital home in Abbeymead. A little 2 bed coach house with the largest bathroom you will ever see, that was our life. It was just me and Ross, together and totally drowned in love. (like the Backstreet Boys song "I'm Drowning")

Of course, these things don't stay that way for too long...

Laura