Thursday, 18 December 2008
Friday, 12 December 2008
Wednesday, 26 November 2008
Later that night, when Ross was sat on the sofa next to me, I started to feel the baby kicking again, excited, I grabbed Ross' hand and pressed it hard on the area I felt the kicking. After a few minutes two light "tap taps" made Ross' face light up and we were overjoyed at the confirmation that yes, there is a baby in there.
Just an update, had the scan two and half weeks ago. Saw baby, cute nose, cute legs and more importantly all is well and baby is very healthy. Ross and I are incredibly excited to find out the sex next month.
Sickness is still very present, I'm not so bad when I'm taking the tablets but I'm still feeling pretty rubbish. The appetite is back though - with a vengance! - I'm loving all things foodalicious! Particular favourites are:
Terry's Chocolate Orange
Ben N Jerry's Fish food - naughty, but I don't care
We're excited about ThanksGiving dinner tomorrow night. All the family are gathering at Mum and Dad's and there will be mashed potato, stuffing, yams...... I'm totally salivating now...!
Anyways, must go. Until next post!....Laters.
16 Weeks 4 days
Saturday, 1 November 2008
Still that's all sorted now, Ross and I are going to meet our little one next wednesday at 2:30pm and we can hardly wait. We've known about this pregnancy for 2 months and 2 weeks and it's been a real trial of faith to go on believing everything is fine and baby is alive and well. I'm so exicted to see if my baby has fingers and toes, to see his little arms and legs, a beating heart...I know I'll cry. I feel all I've done is pray for this little trooper.
My Precious baby, I feel you inside me, growing and moving, I promise to protect you and love you with all my heart. Daddy sends you kisses every night and calms you down at night. We think you are a boy and we both can not wait to meet you. Until then, my little one, carry on, my darling, Carry on.
Monday, 20 October 2008
I have an addiction to ebay. All I have been able to do lately is sit in bed with the laptop and think about Christmas. So naturaIlly, I've been doing a spot of bidding. It all seems to be innocent enough - a gift here and there, some materials for card making, bits and bobs for decorating - until all the spending spun out of control and Ross approached me with the question: "Do you know how much you're spending on ebay?" I couldn't give an answer, I guessed not too much because everything I bought seemed so cheap in comparison to store prices. When I logged in and looked at the stats, just the last month alone my expenditure was over £130. Shocking! Thankfully I am married to the most patient and understanding man in the world and Ross just found it amusing. Still, I am having to hang up my ebay apron for a while and work on this awful addiction of mine. "My name is Laura and my last bid was 3 days ago..."
Ross and I found out that we're expecting about 2 months ago now, it's been impossible for me to keep it a secret from anyone all this time and hence everyone knows. I was okay with it until I received email after email from women telling me that I am foolish for saying anything so soon and that I should expect to miscarry! The amount of people telling me such hideous things is shocking and I've had to resort to removing my facebook account. Ross and I are going for our first scan very soon and I'm praying earnestly that everything will be alright - I must confess my jealousy at those women who have multipal scans before their 12 weeks. Sometimes I just wish I had a window in my tummy so I could see baby and check on him every now and then.
This week I can sense when baby is bouncing around, I generally feel a light popping feeling in my abdomen and I feel the urge to be sick. Baby and I have enjoyed plenty of bed rest and listening to the Tabernacle Choir singing Consider the Lillies. I've done a lot of crying over the past two months and never felt such terrible lonliness in all my life. But I'm stronger now and I am fighting to feel well again. Ross has been a great beacon of strength to me, he will lay by my side all day and all night just stroking my hair or wiping my tears. I feel immensly blessed to have Ross and that he holds the Priesthood and can give me blessings. This pregnancy has been so hard so far. Now that I am not being as sick, I've been pushing myself to do more, the other day, I managed to clean the bathrooms, sort out the bedding, hoover the landing and by the end I was doubled over with weakness and gasping for breath. It is so incredibly frustrating that I couldn't do anymore and my mind just discarded the jobs I completed already. I took out my frustrations on Ross and sobbed and sobbed (silly hormones) Ross knew straight away what the problem was, got me into bed and told me that I'm putting too much pressure on myself. He's very clever, I didn't even know what was wrong, at the time I didn't even know why I was crying, I just felt so poorly and I was sick of it!
Now I feel - weird. Just weird. Still tired beyond belief, still suffering from the frequent headaches, still got tummy pains, still got heart burn, still feeling my stomach churning - but it's worse because now I'm not being sick - so there's no relief from it at all at the moment! Yet by some miracle I am eating again. I had a chip butty last night whilst watching Antiques Roadshow, the trick for me is that I have to be distracted and I have to have Ross eating the same thing.
- Ugh, what were the odds that I would be sick after saying that I'm not being sick anymore??? I'm NOT speaking too soon every again! -
lol actually you know what, I feel tonnes better now. Anyways, where was I? Ah yes, food. Well I'll end that subject now, feeling a tad delicate.
I have big plans for the future. I guess when you go through a time where you can't even get out of bed, you think about all the things you'd do if you were well right? Well, I plan to make cards for christmas, put together a creative gift for everyone at christmas, I want a sewing machine to get me started on teaching myself how to sew. I have a tonne of meal ideas that I want to try out AND a massive Christmas Party to plan for. Estimated guest count will be 14 people. I also plan to go out to the Harvester and have a nice fat Rocky Horror! Mmmm!!
So here's to the future and hoping that my days of sickness are coming to a close....
Laura and Baby - 11 weeks 4 days.
Monday, 8 September 2008
A place to laugh, a place to weep.
A house to make, a house to love,
A garden to go and look up at the skies above.
A home to care for, a home to respect,
A home to die for, a home to reflect.
In sacred walls, sweet blessed home,
In our refuge, we shall never be alone.
Wednesday, 3 September 2008
I can't quite put a finger on the emotions I am feeling right now. Although, something Ross said to me today was quite close to the mark when he said "the house has lost its personality now everything is packed" as he said that I thought about the bare walls, empty wardrobes and dusty surfaces where wedding photos once proudly stood, Then, with tears in my eyes it hit me very hard that Ross and I were to leave our first marital home -the home with so many profound and character building moments, the place holding so many sacred and wonderful memories. Suddenly this sanctity, this refuge as such has been stripped bare and stands naked in the midst as if no one had ever lived there.
My mind casts me back to the day of our wedding. Ross and I hurried back to the coach house to pick up our clothes for the honeymoon and prepared to go to the temple. I remember feeling giddy and light - the floor laden with confetti (which we continued to find in various places until just recently) I remember going into the back room, in my poofy white wedding gown - Ross giving me a loving kiss and murming something about me being his wife, despite all that, I promptly ordered him out of the room while I got out of my dress and into some more sensible attire for the journey. My goodness, Ross was so happy that day. So was I.
So many happy memories. Play Grand Turismo on the PS2 after Ross got home from work. snuggling on the sofa and watching movies on the ridiculously large TV screen. Having dinner parties, family over for fun and games. Letting people stay over for a night. Unpacking the last box. Relishing the picture of Ross' shoes next to mine near the front door and knowing how wonderful that was to know you are never to be alone again.
Now our beautiful things are all packed up and nothing but bare furniture and cupboards are left to see. The house, it feels, has lost it's magical touch. It suddenly strikes me that I feel like I am living in an empty shell and subsequently feel like one too.
It might be hormones, it might be the stress of change, but I feel myself feeling an emotion I'm not too unfamiliar with. Like the Christmas' where you've finished eating and opening presents and you're sat up your room all alone and struck by the thought that at the end of the day, you are having to face change and the only person you can count on not losing is yourself.
which leads me to wonder, what would happen if one should lose oneself?
The terrible limbo stage between living in one place and living in another can result in sleepless nights, doubt, anxiety and confusion. Should I really move? Will we be as happy in this new house? Or is everything going to change?
Such fears and thoughts are currently plaguing my mind tonight. And whilst I know that by the time anyone reads these words or sees me again and asks me how I am, I know the answer will be a resounding "yes" because after all, it seems that first we go through tough moments alone and have to feel the pain and go through it before actually feeling that shoulder to cry on. Perhaps it is a test of our individual strength of character?
Perhaps I am having real pre-moving house jitters. Or maybe it's just hormones. Whatever it is, I hope I get my act together soon. I am beginning to feel reclusive.
*sigh* Good night I suppose.
Saturday, 30 August 2008
Also having weird sensations as I lay in bed - like those dreams you have where you feel like you're falling. I'm sure some psychologist would anaylse my current situation and personality and think that I am feeling a little unstable and like the ground has been taken away from under my feet what with the move and all that.
There's cleaning to do, packing to be done, arrangements to sort out and all i want to do is curl up in bed with some biscuits and a bottle of water and listen to some relaxing music. I guess I still have a few months left to put it all down to being a teenager and getting away with it. haha.
Feeling pretty rough actually. Really rough. Definitely coming down with something because my throat is sore and I'm drinking like there's no tomorrow.
Thursday, 28 August 2008
It is almost laughable at the difference between these two properties and I know that to many people it is a rather luxiourious choice for a newlywed couple, but you've gotta' do what you gotta' do eh? Besides, this house has security for us to stay there for at least 5 years. Pending we are able to make an offer on it before our letting agreement runs out. Another thing to pray for I suppose.
So, whilst I should be packing right now. I am actually mentally preparing myself for a viewing that is taking place here at 1pm. The house is as clean as I can get it - without straining myself too much, so now I'm just sat here thinking about the prospect of some strangers coming in to critique my choice of furniture and cleaning capabilities. I am very house proud, so the mere thought of someone seeing my house as anything below "Perfectly Clean and Tidy" leaves me absolutely moritified.
Off to visit with my best friend and indeed sister, Gemma! (oh dear no, you didn't really think I would stay here while the viewing took place? My goodness I would never!)
Now I must get up and get dressed for the day.