Let me Sleep!

It might be the muggy weather, it might be that 12 hour road trip Ross and I had yesterday, it might be pure laziness or something else altogether - but I am one tired gal! Ross finally roused me from sleep at an obsene time in the morning and I was rather grumpy all day. I can not satisfy my neverending hunger either. Today I ate a snack bar, sandwhiches, pizza and chips, 4 chocolate cake pieces (they were diddy small) and vegetable rice....still the hunger goes on. I know, it's probably not healthy to eat so much in one day, but what can you do when you feel so incredibly weak and hungry?

Also having weird sensations as I lay in bed - like those dreams you have where you feel like you're falling. I'm sure some psychologist would anaylse my current situation and personality and think that I am feeling a little unstable and like the ground has been taken away from under my feet what with the move and all that.

There's cleaning to do, packing to be done, arrangements to sort out and all i want to do is curl up in bed with some biscuits and a bottle of water and listen to some relaxing music. I guess I still have a few months left to put it all down to being a teenager and getting away with it. haha.

Feeling pretty rough actually. Really rough. Definitely coming down with something because my throat is sore and I'm drinking like there's no tomorrow.

Thursday 28 August 2008

I'm feeling a bit coldy today. It could be my sinuses playing up - it could be a cold coming on or I might be allergic to the feather and down quilt that I'm currently sat under - because weirdly enough, when I leave the bedroom my sinuses clear up. Then again, the 14" desk fan on the drawers opposite the bed is constantly on day and night so this could be a reasonable factor to my stuffy nose as well. To be quite honest, I'd rather the fan were the problem as I am very fond of this duvet - it was a wedding gift from my parents and it is so comfy that Ross and I didn't change it - even for the swealtering nights in the unusually short summer we have had this year. Hence the fans power consistancy.

Ross and I are moving and It could not come at a better time. Oh, no don't you go getting the wrong idea now - nothing like that in the works, but this little 2 bed coach house has been getting me down for the longest time. I do not drive, I don't go out to work anymore - although for a short time I did experiment with temporary work and hated it - I am too far from my family to easily visit and so for days and days I stayed inside the house seeing no daylight or other human being until a very tired Ross came home each night. Four precious hours of social activity and it was already time for bed and then I was faced with another lonely day alone.

It wasn't so bad, I suppose. I had my household jobs to do - and I made friends with Bree, Kathryn, Gabrielle and all of the desperate housewives on TV. Then I switched over to listen to Jeremy Kyle as I went about doing the dishes. Then of course, I received my daily dose of Friends from 4pm onwards. These people were my only source to the outside world. Having no phone but my pink mobile which rarely had credit - you know how it is - I felt incredibly iscolated.

Perhaps that is why I had thrown myself into the idea of trying to conceive. I joined the forums, spoke to other women who had been trying for years, watching their youtube diaries, fantasising about the day when I would not be alone during the day but would have a beautiful child of my own to raise and nurture. Yet, the more I pondered the thought. The more I tried to imagine my life as a mother in this iscolated 2 bed house. I realised it would by no means be rosey.

I would then be stuck, completely inside the house. Firstly, there would be nowhere to keep the pram other than in the garage and someone please tell me how I would be expected to carry a newborn outside in my arms, while opening the dirty garage door and sorting out the pram for the baby to go in - or perhaps I would have to take a risk by leaving my baby inside while I go out and got the pram. Either way I find myself biting my lip and the logistics - then there's the getting onto the bus issue. What if the bus was full? Or I did indeed get onto the bus with my monstrous buggy and just so happened to sit next to an elderly person who was coughing and spluttering over my newborn! And suppose I did make it unscathed to the bus station, I would have to brave killer pigeons, interestingly scarey individuals who like to hang out there and other ill people. Then I would have to get onto another bus and finally get out at Kingsway. Amidst all that, there would probably be a dirty nappy to deal with a breastfeeding to figure out. I can see it now, I would stay inside the house day and night, alone. That situation is crying "post natal depression". I think I would probably become a introverted hermit who would grow to resent her life and purpose and wish to die.

SO, moving to Kingsway is the best thing that could happen right now. Not when I'm sick as a dog with morning sickness and can't face the cleaning or the packing/unpacking. Not when I'm greying and on life's edge with madness and a little baby. Now. When I am in the best condition I can be - when I am not at my limit, when I am simply at the point whereby I hatefully glare at the kitchen dishes and think to myself "if I have to wash that same glass up again today....."

So, we are moving from here:

To....... HERE! :D

It is almost laughable at the difference between these two properties and I know that to many people it is a rather luxiourious choice for a newlywed couple, but you've gotta' do what you gotta' do eh? Besides, this house has security for us to stay there for at least 5 years. Pending we are able to make an offer on it before our letting agreement runs out. Another thing to pray for I suppose.

So, whilst I should be packing right now. I am actually mentally preparing myself for a viewing that is taking place here at 1pm. The house is as clean as I can get it - without straining myself too much, so now I'm just sat here thinking about the prospect of some strangers coming in to critique my choice of furniture and cleaning capabilities. I am very house proud, so the mere thought of someone seeing my house as anything below "Perfectly Clean and Tidy" leaves me absolutely moritified.

Off to visit with my best friend and indeed sister, Gemma! (oh dear no, you didn't really think I would stay here while the viewing took place? My goodness I would never!)

Now I must get up and get dressed for the day.

Prologue: Some Background

Seeing as this blog is entitled "Ode to be a Housewife", I see it fit to describe the events that took place whereby I became a housewife.

As you can see in the picture to the right, Ross and I had a very mature relationship while we were dating. (in fact, whilst on the subject, I don't think much has changed)

We met at a dance in Reading in May '07. It was close to the end of the dance when this dashing young man caught my eye, and it only took a matter of a few smiles and he was at my side, taking me out of the loud dance hall to get to know each other.

All I had gathered during that night, was this man was called Ross, he was handsome, loved to wear blue (and subsequently wore the same colour as myself that day, making me feel like it was destiny! - not that I completely comprehend or believe in such a thing). Although I knew little about him, there was something very familar and - comfortable - about him. We were not shy or awkward - well perhaps Ross was a little. We just clicked. Ross asked me for my number and the rest is history.

Ross proposed on Friday 12 October '07 in the car outside the Birmingham dance and we went to Cheltenham and bought my ring the next day, Saturday 13 October '07. It was the most wonderful day of my life.

Then of course, came the wedding. The beautiful fairytale wedding that took place on Saturday 16 February '08. I distinctly remember waking up that day 10 minutes before my hair appointment and feeling extremely excited and nervous about getting my hair done. (Not even thinking about the fact that today, I am a bride). Being a woman who loves to be loved and enjoys attention and knowing full well that there are only two times in one's life where people say nice things about you, and they are your Wedding and your Funeral. So I soaked in every minute of that day and savoured the picture of me and my father walking down the aisle to my handsome prince standing at the front.

The day went by far too quickly and before we knew it, Ross and I were spending our very first day in our marital home in Abbeymead. A little 2 bed coach house with the largest bathroom you will ever see, that was our life. It was just me and Ross, together and totally drowned in love. (like the Backstreet Boys song "I'm Drowning")

Of course, these things don't stay that way for too long...

Laura