Everything in Disarry

The house looks like it has been turned on its head and everything shuffled around, Ryan the little whirlwind has left a trail of devestation in his wake and is now sat watching TV while I sit bolt upright on the sofa - propped up with pillows and trying to ignore the ryhmic kicks in my tummy as baby Alex has the hiccoughs - AGAIN.

I am utterly drained. After a week of tirelessly searching for baby Arnie, chapel cleaning, caring for Ryan, walking in the rain from my midwife appointment, having Ross home late every night AND a dinner date with a friend - I am feeling completely and utterly drained.

I'm sick of looking at cars - talking about cars - and going round and round in circles with future plans, the impending arrival of our little boy, being stabbed by various medical professionals and being stupidly tired during the day but come 3am I'm as wide awake as a child on Christmas Eve. I'm sick of constantly looking, praying and hoping for Baby Arnie, I'm tired of having to lay on the bed to put my jeans on because of my stupid SPD (which has now been confirmed by midwife who gave me strict instructions not to pick Ryan up, stand up for long periods of time and avoid stairs - riiiiiiight!!) The hot flushes, the terrible nausea which seems to be coming back stronger with each day - today I actually found myself running to the bathroom to be sick! Oh joy. I'm sick of Ryan's tantrums - whereby he throws his whole body on the floor and acts like I've just hit him! I'm sick of bills, budgets, bank managers, loans, shopping, saving, sick of doing timesheets, invoices, tax breakdowns. Sick of emails, sick of writing, sick of reading, sick of crying when I lift Ryan out of his cot and grunting as I pick up his toys....sick of driving, sick of being in a car, sick of teaching, sick of going out, sick of eating, sick of being hungry, sick of having showers, sick of doing my hair, sick of all these BLINKING HICCOUGHS, sick of the heartburn, the pains, sick of EVERYTHING.

Everything is in disarry. And whats more Ross is having to go into the office this weekend! (Saturday) and be on call on Sunday. So much for a nice quiet weekend!

AAAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!

Well that's my rant over with.

Onto happier thoughts....that'll have to wait for another day.