I love my baby. He's precious and I can't get enough "cuddle time" with him. Sleep? Who needs sleep? Ha, I laugh in the face of sleep deprivation!!
I'm not so keen on the evenings. The hormone level dips and everything seems that much harder!! I'm having a hard time with the breastfeeding at the moment and sometimes have to express and give Ryan a bottle just to give me a bit of time to heal! It hurts so much to nurse because of a few batch latches in the day - come night time I am crying my eyes out feeling like a failed mother as Ross gives Ryan a bottle and whilst it's my milk he's having, he should be feeding from me!! :(
I feel so SO alone in this whole breastfeeding business. This huge weight is on my shoulders to feed my precious bundle and when it works, it works great and it's wonderful, but when Ryan starts chomping on me and refusing to let go - Yeouch! Then he screams and cries and I know he's hungry and I feel in pain from being so full of milk and we both end up crying and Ross has to come along and calm us both down!! I just can't bare the thought of my baby starving and not being able to breastfeed. :(
Still, come day time and after a little sleep, I'm bright and chirpy and I just think to myself "we will get there in the end, I just have to perservere". I just wish breastfeeding didn't have to hurt so much!
I read online that my hormones are supposed to calm down by day 10 and the baby blues should disappear. I'm looking forward to that. I'm so up and down at the moment that poor Ross doesn't know how to be around me. I dread him going back to work, he's been a huge support!
Well, we just keep going don't we!? As Dory says, "Just Keep Swimming"
Oh, baby just made a really BIG stretch and yawn - think he's coming round from his nap. hahah it's funny, I never knew newborns could stretch like an adult - he stretches his arms above his head and points his toes!! it's SO cute!! haha.
Ah yes breastfeeding it can be so painful. Mum said he feeds every hour. Evan was like that. Yowch. Great for your milk supply but I bet you could scream. I was so bad with Ashlyn I would bleed and scream when she would first latch on. I found as long as I used the lansinoh after every feed and made sure she was latched on correctly I survived I really feel for you it hurts so much and then when you stop feeding man I hurt for well over a week. Don't let anyone make you feel bad especially not yourself. As long as you are feeding your baby and he is happy then you are being a wonderful mother whether thats from you or a bottle. By the way expressed milk from a bottle is an incredible achievement it isn't a problem giving it to him in a bottle. Advocates for breastfeeding are more concerned about the breastmilk and how wonderful it is they don't care if it is from breast or bottle. It sounds like you have done amazing so far and given him a great start, try to go with the flow and decide what would be good for you because at the end of the day Ryan will be happy as long as he has a happy mummy and a full tummy. He doesn't care if it's breastmilk or formula. I had a really hard time making that decision to stop though and it was very emotional I felt a big failure but now she is so happy and I still enjoy feeding her. I'm not saying you should stop I just want you to know if you ever chose to that you should be proud of yourself for what you have done and don't beat yourself up about it. But I know how easy it is to. I hope you can feel happy about your decision either way. Thinking of you! x
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