I'm like a continously hungry, whale-sized animal caged behind bars....ISOLATION MAN!!

Please wait, while I pop into the kitchen to grab myself a nice bag of Wheat Crunchies *ooh spicy tomato flavour!*

Right, well hippo Laura here. Plonked on the sofa in the darkening lounge of 22 Kinloss Drive. I wish I had some exciting news to share about my fantastic adventure out to the woods or my 20mile run around the town....or my terribly exciting encounter with several angry cats all hissing and ready to kill me as I ran through the streets, guns in hand - shooting at the massive dinosour charging my way....but nooo I have been doing, ahem, nothing. That's right. Nada. Nichts. NOTHING.

Okay, so some of you will be like, "Laura, what are you talking about? You're doing loads! You're feeding, nourishing, caring and carrying your growing baby inside of you! You're looking after yourself and your husband! You're preparing for the biggest change of your life!". BOO. You don't understand.

But that's okay. I don't need to be understood. I just need to be loved. I'm a woman on a rampage of hormones at the moment and coming to terms with my ever growing bump and changing body. I have no sleeping pattern, no comfort of any kind, no proper mental stimulation, no face-to-face interaction with people and no control over anything - ANYTHING anymore!! *Dare say "welcome to motherhood" and I will shoot you with a glare so steely you're eyeballs will pop out*

I - Want - To - Scream.

Oh no.


Wait for it.


HORMONE SURGE.


<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>

Seriously. I've spent the last 5 hours working on the laptop, trying - TRYING - to find this blummin' Anti Virus 360 malware which has embedded itself into the computer so deeply that even manually destroying the files and registry keys - THEY KEEP REGNERATING. WHy? WHY? WHY DOES THIS HAPPEN?? I used to be grate at locating hidden files, deleting those awful viruses and clearing the computer. But nooooo not this time. This time I am as useful as a sponge to carry water....

The lonliness. The iscolation. The bitter silence in this house is KILLING ME. And yet, don't visit me because I can't - CAN'T have people round. The stress seems to make my blood pressure sky rocket and I start getting contractions at the mere thought of having to entertain guests? Why? I hear you cry! Well this house has been a hotel for the longest time that I think I have well and truly LOST IT. That's right!! GET OUT, STAY OUT, LEAVE THE HEAVILY PREGNANT WOMAN BE!!!

I clean the house to the point where it is "immaculate", I cook for guests, I prepare the bedding, I fold the towels, I scrub the toilets, I leave the little mints on their beds just to add that "special touch". Do I get any credit for this? NO. "Thanks Ross. Great food." my goodness? Did I just hear that? "We stayed at Ross' house" ROSS' House???? ROSS AND LAURA'S HOUSE!!!!

I demand a bit of recognition! I WILL not be the silent, submissive housewife who does all the work and then lets her husband get all the credit and recognition for it! IT WAS TEAMWORK. Ross does the man stuff, I do the rest. But do people care? NOPE.

I am absolutely sick of everything right now. To the point where I am seething about - well everything. I get told off for carrying a book case and desk into another room! WHY. I get patronised, told to "slow down" and "take it easy" and WHEN I DO I GET TOLD - "Oh Laura, you have FAR too much time on your hands!!!" YES I KNOW, NO NEED TO RUB IT IN.

There is no winning. There is no, "well done, good job" or just "keep going, you're doing well". NO, no, no, nothing like that. No one CARES.

I Pledge for all those hormonal, heavily pregnant women out there: that we stand and demand some RESPECT, some LOVE, some KINDNESS and some HUMOUR back into our lives. We WILL not be WHALES forever!! In fact, I pledge that a law be passed saying it is illegal to speak to a pregnant woman unless it is with complete sincerity and kindness!! We have a heck of a lot to cope with and IT IS NOT EASY.

- Hormone dips -

*bursts into tears* 71 days to go....please come early.....