Heart palpatations, sweaty palms, rapid breathing and a crushing feeling on my chest like I'm about to be crushed to death or passs out. These symptoms are familiar to me and I can not believe that with all I've had to worry about these past few months, I am getting them NOW over some stupid little (or not so little but actually huge and really stingy) JAB.
I think it's the fear of the unknown. I'm not so much worried about the blood tests - despite never having a good experience with them - but I know that it'll hurt and I know HOW it'll feel and how long it'll take. I'm just so nervous about this Anti-D jab.
I point blank refused to have the TB jab for the simple reason that I find it hard enough to deal with having a flu jab, anything bigger is simply just too much for me to cope with and I would rather take my chances.
I WISH there was a way you could test the baby's blood while you're still pregnant - then I'd pray day and night that my baby had my EXACT blood type and there'd be no need for such a jab to be stabbed into my flimsy arm. It's not that I'm not afraid of the pain, I don't care if it hurts a lot AFTERWARDS. It's just dealing with it nicely and putting on a "oh this doesn't hurt at all" face in front of the Midwives. Plus, I feel like I have to be brave because Ross is insisting he comes in with me to hold my hand - but his face paled and he nearly passed out during the last time they took my blood.
My battleplan:
DRINK DRINK DRINK
Try my very best to relax my muscles so it wont hurt so much
Have a blessing
or two.
Organise a prize. lol like a nice McFlurry afterwards
I can not believe how worked up I'm getting here. Ugh. Breeaaathee.
These silly hormones just don't help either. I've had a nasty "return of the sickness". Not due to stopping my tablets either. I'm still on them. I feel like I did when I was 16 weeks pregnant - mortally sick in the morning and having to eat very quickly to fight back the feeling. I just feel Sick. sick. sick. siiiiiiiick. The worry isn't going to help, being nevous can make you sick to the stomach and maybe I'll feel tonnes better tonight, but there's always something worrying me at the moment.
My worries:
1. Anti-D jab
2. Blood test
3. Being measured (I don't like it how low down they go!)
4. Fear of getting poorly
5. Fear of Ross getting poorly
6. Making sure everything is clean and ready for Alan and Jeris to come over
7. Ross getting in a car crash
8. Ross losing his job
9. Going into preterm labour
10. Not having everything ready for baby - haven't even washed his clothes!
Those are the top 10. So at least the first 3 will be gone after today. Although I have an irrational fear that I will have a bad reaction to the Anti-D and die/have C-section to save baby/spend days in hospital...etc...etc
I have a serious case of hypocrondria at the moment. I'm so paranoid that something - something - will go wrong! I don't want anymore shocks, no more bad news about the economy and how the world is coming to an end, no more sickness and uncertainty about the future. No more good byes!!!
Breathe.
I know most people would keep such thoughts to themselves, and many more wouldn't even dream of mentioning them in their blog. But this is how I deal with my emotions. I write them down. I dramatise them and then read back and see the funny side. It's like my metaphoric punch bag.
Phew. I WILL feel better. I WILL get through.
And when I do, I shall post a much happier, more positive note.
Laura
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